Narcissism at Her Finest

Today is a very special day at Mommy Monologues! I have my very first guest blogger! Ericka from Alabaster Cow decided to grace my blog pages with her devine talent of writing skills. Why Narcissism at Her Finest you might say? One time Ericka wrote on a blog post of mine titled Tell Me About You that she believed there were too many women out there who pretend they aren’t great and how she is not one of those women–I find this refreshing! Her dad also wrote a great post on her blog titled Is Narcissism Hereditary? (she comes by her writing talent naturally too.)

Today Ericka taught me that I am not the only one who has gone off the deep end of crazy since having a child….ENJOY!

as you know, wolverine has been sick which has agitated my worry meter. and now you’re wondering why the crazy lady is worrying about a kid she doesn’t even own, er, gave birth to. because I’m a mom and I’m a bundle of irrational. that’s why.

after reading kate’s blog posts and breaking into a proverbial sweat knowing there’s a child somewhere in this world who has been struck with a virus, i decided to take inventory of the mommy crazy that has permeated my very being. this is what I came up with:

1. every person on tv is my daughter. i was watching an episode of hoarders that featured an elderly woman who couldn’t stop collecting crap and eventually became a prisoner in her own home and broke her hip when trying to wade through her collection of burger wrappers and dead cat carcasses. all I could think was “oh my god. what if ava becomes a crazy old lady who has to wear diapers because she can’t find her toilet and breaks her hip and almost dies in a pile of dead felines???” and then i cried a little.

speaking of crying: i cry now. you have to understand I am NOT a crier. i think my dad’s only seen me cry twice in my twenty-five years of living and my mom, three times. now i’m a blubbery sack of jello. the other night i was taking a bath (and yes, my loving husband watched the monkey so i could soak in peace…for five minutes) and i was reading alicia silverstone’s the kind diet. i came to a part where she’s talking about animals wanting the chance to live a happy life like we do and I COULD. NOT. STOP. CRYING. i make myself sick.

2. everyone is a threat. i mean everyone. the mailman wants to steal my baby. the sweet grandmother and her precocious three-year-old granddaughter, they definitely want to steal my baby. it’s kind of gotten to the point where I’m wondering if they make carriers that support five-year-olds because I’m not sure I want ava to ever walk in public. people want my baby. can you blame them?

I hope you enjoy her work today & that you stop by her ever growing blog! You will more than likely leave there with a ton of creative envy, whoops, I mean awe…

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