Today is going to be my controversial post of the….okay so my first controversial post ever. It starts with: This is how I feel about Obama….ahaha! Okay not really–hope I didn’t lose anyone there–I usually click off a person’s blog the minute I read POLITICS! You won’t ever find politics here!
Anywho…. I saw online yesterday that the Today Show did a segment on whether or not working moms take advantage of moms who stay at home with their kids or moms who work from home (for the purpose of this blogpost working moms are moms AND DADS who work outside of the home–because dads have said some of this stuff too. The comments from men have sometimes been the harshest.) But what got me thinking was the comment section below the article (usually does) about how women were saying it doesn’t ever happen & that it is a personal problem. So I wanted to give my opinion on the matter….
Obviously, I am a stay-at-home mom (SAHM). And yes, I have had several of the following comments from people I know personally or just down right rude strangers:
Todd has been approached by people who have said to him, “I hear your wife doesn’t have a job. Could we make an arrangement where she takes care of my kid so that my wife/gf/brother’s sister’s cousin-in-law’s next door neighbor can actually go to work.”
My mom even talks about how every summer she had the same mom ask her if my mom would keep her kid while she went to work. And it usually went something along the lines of “Hey, you aren’t doing anything & I’m busy do you mind watching my kid for me all summer, for free?” People, my mom had 5 kids in 9 years! My mom was BUSY and some people still didn’t have a clue as to how hard she worked day in & day out.
In the short 15 months that I have been staying home with Lboy I have had 3 different people ask me to be their full time nanny. And my response is always, “I’m sorry, I have a job.” Depending on the delivery of how they ask I do want to lash out with an angry rant of how dare they?! It’s the people who don’t have a clue that really tick me off.
I don’t stay home so that I can be mom to every single one of the mothers out there who chooses to go to work. I didn’t give up two years of grad school, give up my car, or sacrifice a plethora of other things that I would love to be doing so that I could play mom from 8-5 to someone else’s kid. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but it is what it is.
I understand why women work outside of the home. I know that some women really want careers, I know some women financially can not stay home with their kids, I know that some women just don’t want to stay home, I know some women have husbands who want to stay home with the kids, and I know there are a million other reasons why women work. And I don’t judge them for that. They make their choices and I make mine. But I don’t run a nanny service & I definitely don’t run a nanny service for the people who accuse me of being lazy, watching too much TV, and doing nothing.
But, do I think it’s a personal problem? Definitely, if you let it be one. Do I think it’s rude when people tell me that I do nothing all day so why can’t I take care of their kid? Hell yeah I do. But it’s all in my reaction and my response. If I keep my mouth shut and don’t tell them what I’m thinking and I let someone roll over me (which I can be good at) then yes, it has become my problem and I have to figure out how to deal with it.
But if I would just say, “I’m sorry. That won’t work for my family or me today/tomorrow/ever,” then it’s not a problem anymore. If it’s a friend who asks and they don’t want to be friends with me anymore because of my saying no to their request, then they weren’t that good of a friend anyways.
So…Do I think that all working moms are rude enough to accuse a SAHM of being lazy? Nope. Do I think that working moms & SAHMs alike don’t always understand each other? Yes. Do I think that working moms take advantage of SAHMs? Sometimes. Do I think every.single working mom takes advantage of every.single SAHM? No way. But do I think it happens? Absolutely.