I am not a perfect mother, I will put that out there right now! And I am about to tell you one of the things that I have been extremely imperfect about.
During the day when lil dude was a little, bitty baby & it was nap-time, I would either A) Take a nap in my bed & put him in the bed with me & he would nurse to sleep or B) Sit in the rocking chair & watch a movie & hold him while he slept. And why wouldn’t I have wanted to cuddle up with this precious, little guy?!!
I had no idea what the repercussions of this would be! And boy, am I paying for it now! I NEVER, EVER realized that I should have been putting him down in a separate space (during the day time–I don’t mind him being in bed with me at night)Â so he could learn how to sleep without being held! I’ll say it again, I NEVER, EVER realized that I should be doing this! And now I have created this little sleepingÂ Klingon child who seriously can not function without being permanently latched to the boob (day or night while sleeping!) IÂ literally can not unlatch him for two seconds orÂ he wakes up, he screams, he won’t go back to sleep, nothing. He can notÂ sleep independently from me at all!
And while yes, this has been amazing for the whole bonding thing, I am miserable, exhausted, my neck hurts from sleeping funny, I’m up half the night pissed that I’m not asleep, etc etc etc. I don’t care how long he sleeps in bed with us, at this point I would be thrilled if he would just sleep independently from me in the sameÂ bed.During the daytime, I can’t get anythingÂ done because when he’s sleeping I’m sitting there holding him, tied down in the rocking chair.
We’ve tried sleep training (nightmare–one time he screamed for an hour straight & then vomited everywhere from being so upset), we’ve tried putting him in a crib in our room, we’ve tried putting him in his bouncy seat, we’ve tried putting him on a mattress in the floor, we’ve tried walking him around at night to soothe him back to sleep without nursing–we have tried everything! And so far nothing works!!!
And I know that we can all fast forward 25 years & I’ll be dancing at his wedding or he will have his own babies & I will be whispering to Hubs, “Oh remember when he couldn’t do anything without me? Remember how close we were when he was little? I miss that.” (Or we will probably have to plan the entire wedding day around his morning & nightly feedings–I’ve ruined him for his futureÂ bride!)Â But for now in the present time, I’m tired….and stumped about what to do….and hoping it will be easier once he’s weaned….
Have any of you had to change a hugeÂ habit as a parent?!
Overthinking Mama says
I made the mistake a bout a year ago of letting my daughter sleep in bed with me… I was single.. and it was nice to have someone there to cuddle up with… but then 2 things happened… one she started moving around like a crazy child when she slept so I ended up not getting any sleep.. and I started dating someone and they would stay the night from time to time… I had to "teach" her how to sleep in her own bed… or at least fall asleep in there… It was hell for about 3 months… but it is a lot better now.. tho she still some how ends up in my bed most nights. :=) but its so sweet when she's cuddling up against me.
Toulouse Confessions says
I made the same mistake and I will agree with Overthinking Mama tht training them is NOT easy. We did the minute cry out system in which we would give Queenie kisses, put her down and walk out. Wait one minute while she cried, then go in, cuddle, kiss, back down. Wait two minutes…and so on. It worked for going to sleep. She now goes to sleep like a champ. Our next problem was insomnia…but we wonÂ´t go there today! I would say that now he probably won't sleep in your bed without your breast and you will probably have to put him in his crib until the habit breaks. Give it at least a few weeks. Minimum. Not fun, but you have support here! Good luck!
Oh my. Sleep issues suck. I agree with Toulouse, in bed without the boob may not happen. With both my girls, once I put them in the crib in another room they slept better & I finally slept. It sucked during the transition, but in retrospect was a good decision.
Just don't tell my H I admitted that. 🙂
Thanks for this tip! It's probably something I would do as well if I didn't know any better (and now thanks to you, i do lol) What do you think a good balance is? We have a bassinet for Emery that we will put in our room when he is first home…so I do plan on putting him down for the night in that…but i also am not naive enough to think that won't change and when breastfeeding during the night i'm sure its lot easier to just fall asleep in bed while he is nursing. Hmmm…I'll just be sure not to hold him every single second he is sleeping. Keep posting any more things you have learned NOT to do! I'll take them all in 🙂
oh this is chelsea by the way lol i had to post an anonymous because i dont have an account or anything
I made the mistake of putting Lucy to sleep each night. I would feed, rock, pace, whatever it took. I did this until she was almost a year old. She started getting harder and harder to put to sleep. Her bed time started becoming later and later. I was completely exhausted! Finally I created a bed time routine. First she has play time with Daddy and a snack, then bath, then bed. I lay her down and sit in the room where she can see me until she falls asleep. That way she does not scream or have night terrors. Now she goes to bed around 9 every night! Now I just have to figure out how to get her to sleep through the night…
Jessica Anne says
Oh! I did that with my oldest, too! Boy, did I learn my lesson on that one. I had to cry it out with her. I did the gradual cry it out like Toulouse, too. We had some vomiting, too, and we stopped those nights. When she finally fell asleep on her own, she fell asleep sitting up holding the bars of her crib like a cage. Broke my heart. She's 4 now, goes to sleep at 8 pm by herself, and stays in her own room all night (mostly). It's hard, but it does stop eventually.
Hi Kate! Oh, I'm so sorry. That is so rough. It will probably take a few nights or even a week to re-train him. Make sure you are consistant with what you do at nap time and night time. And, just know, that you are NOT alone in feeling horrible in letting your little one cry. I felt terrible too. We were able to train ours to sooth themselves to sleep. You can go in the room every 10 minutes, just pat on the back, and say you're okay, and leave. That's what I did. I know it's not easy. I never dealt with what you are dealing with though. I'm wondering if your pediatrician might have some advice too, because I remember mine encouraging me that it's okay to let them cry, even though it makes you want to cry too. ANd, that's horrible about the vomit. Does he take a pacifier? I'm wondering if you could offer him some other things, like a blankee or teddy to help. Praying for you!
Hello! I'm Kate. says
I'm so grateful to hear from everyone that I'm not alone in this (at least not the sleep traning part)…I will have to keep y'all updated on how things work out. I don't know if we are going to start trying to get him in his own bed until he's weaned or what. I tried talking about that with his doctor, but the doctor told me that he didn't have to time to discuss it in that moment …So…this is something we will be devoting our 12 month appointment to for sure!
alabaster cow says
oh kate i feel for you! we do pretty much everything "wrong" with ava – she sleeps with us, we don't have a schedule, we've turned her into a screaming banshee, etc. etc. so my goal, when she turns one hopefully, is to slowly implement a schedule (nothing fancy – just set times for bathing, eating and sleeping)and to slowly move her out of our bed and to wean her (cause these boobies are getting tired!
i like to pretend she'll magically take to it although i know we have a number of screaming fits in our future…
alabaster cow says
and happy 100 followers!!!!!!!!!!!!
Emma @ Mummy Doesn't Know Why says
I found that putting Alister in his crib to play for a little bit while I did something helped him get used to it, also he has a giraffe one on spring above his crib that he loves to talk to/play with, so maybe a favourite soft toy might help act as a comforter?
He is teething right now so our sleep pattern is all messed up.
Good luck with it all.
Hello! I'm Kate. says
Ericka, pretty sure you just described how things go in the MM household! He used to be on a schedule, then he wasn't, then he was, not we're back to not being on one. So glad to hear that you just described our life here!
Emma–definitely going to try those things! He needs to hang out in his room, especially in the crib. Thanks for the suggestions!
ow…Sherry, sorry to hear your situation,you are so unulcky. I and an entrecard member too. I wish i won’t face this problem and wish you good luck too!Hope your problem will be solved as soon as possible.Have a nice day !
Hello! I'm Kate. says
Oh & Thanks Ericka on the 100! I'm so excited! lol
I was like this in the beginning. I didn't function for I think the first 4 months of his life. Then our doctor said we needed to get him in his crib before he was 6 months. I started with just trial and error. Mostly I had to rock him to sleep and then place him in his bed. I also have his ocean wonders music and a heart beat bear going when I put him down. That has worked wonders! We recently went through a rough patch again and I also added a fan that runs all night long. Oh and I placed him on his stomach one night and it was like magic. He just fell asleep. Do you have a routine at night? We have a strict one. Bath, lotion, story, turn on music, etc. nurse and then when he is drowsy I place him in his crib. Most nights it works. When we first started though he had to be really asleep. Sorry if I'm confusing. I'm trying to remember everything we've done. He still comes to our bed about 6:30am and nurses to sleep. Oh and naps. Ya, those have never worked. Until yesterday when he took an hour and half nap in his crib. Today didn't work as well. I'm still fighting that battle. Try a routine and try white noise, like a fan and see what that does. I wish you luck.
I can't even tell you how happy this post made me. Not happy that you are having these issues, but happy that I am not alone!!!
Ruby is almost 18 months old and I am STILL having these issues. Like you, I don't really care so much about her sleeping with us at night, but she absolutely flat out refuses to sleep in her own bed near or not near us. 🙁
Jimmy and I recently joked that she'd be coming home from her 21st birthday, hammered, and jumping into bed with us. Hahahaha. Um, yeah, I guess that's not really funny at all.
If you have any lightbulb moments with this, please let me know!
Hello! I'm Kate. says
Hillary: hahaha! Yes, I know the feeling!!! And I'm glad so many different people wrote to tell me that they have had some of the same issues!