This was a guest post that I wrote for Beka at Confessions of a New Mom for an Uncommon Women Series. I chose to write about my choice between my different dreams for my life, Lboy’s life, & my family’s life as a whole. And it’s a TBC post, so you will have to check back in with me to find out how it ends. (:Hello All! I first met Beka when she wrote over at my place for the my Friday Featurettes. A little about myself: my name is Kate. I write over at Mommy Monologues. I’m learning how to be a “Domesticated Diva” one day at a time (ie I’ve gone from a non chore doing, let’s travel the world kind of gal to a SAHM.) I’m a first time mom to 13 month old, Lboy, wife to my amazing husband, Todd, & doggy mommy to Giorgio, my 5 lb beast of a yorkie. Beka asked me a LOOOONG time ago to write this post and it has taken me forever to get it written mostly because this post has been evolving over the last few months & I think it has finally come to an end….so here I go….
My Big Decision
Where do mothers draw the line between motherhood & their individual self? It’s a question that I ask myself frequently. There are so many moments where I have to say, “Sorry kiddo, but I have to go do this for myself.” There are times when I HAVE get out of the house or I will go insane–even if it’s just driving around in the car for 10 minutes. Or there are times I have to exercise or I have to go out to eat with my husband & leave Lboy with a babysitter. But there are also a ton of times when I have to sacrifice “me time” so that I can take care of my family.
I was three weeks into my first semester as a graduate student when I found out I was pregnant. I finished my first year of school & knew that I wanted to stay home with him. For me, staying home with Lboy was the only choice and somehow it all worked out so that I could take a year off of school. It was also a HUGE sacrifice–not only financially, but also personally because down to the very core of who I am, I want a master’s degree. I want that level of education so I can claim it as mine, all mine–something I did for me (this is one reason among many–If I listed them all Beka would probably kill me.)
And now, it’s time to go back to school on August 24. I have to take 18 hours this fall, Lboy will have to go to a daycare & then have a babysitter pick him at 5 two days a week & put him to bed. Todd & I will get home from class (he’s also a graduate student) at 10 pm & then we will start all over the next day. When I graduate, student loan payments will be as large as my mortgage, which is INSANE. I haven’t been able to find a daycare (though 2 very wonderful people have offered to take care of him in the evenings.) The few daycares where I have our name on a list are going to cost $800.00 a month–y’all that is an insane amount of money that I don’t have (think they’d take monopoly money? No? Ah well, worth a shot.) All in all the obstacles are feeling astronomically large.And IF I knew in the deepest part of my heart that I wanted to be a counselor (master’s in social work) more than anything in the world then I wouldn’t be sitting here wondering about whether or not if I should go to school this August. But I now have this voice that keeps asking “What’s best for Lboy? What’s best for your family? In the long run what’s best for you?” And you know, I’m not sure if going to school is the best option for me anymore. It’s a constant debate running in my head.
So where do mothers draw the line between what they really want and what is best for their family? Two years ago, I was in school. It was what was best for me. I was allowed to be selfish (for a lack of a better word.) Now, is school what is best for us? I’m not quite sure. I have been spending a lot of time praying, a lot of time thinking about this, and a lot of time talking with Todd. And the time to decide has come.
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Don’t forget to sign up for my Scentsy Warmer Giveaway–it ends Monday, August 2!
Don’t forget to sign up for my Scentsy Warmer Giveaway–it ends Monday, August 2!
it's a really hard decision, and sometimes it is just timing. You still have a lot of time in your life to finish your goals, especially if you only will have one child. I struggled with the daycare situation, and found that I could not handle it, especially with a husband who works and travels a lot. I just did not want my son to be without both of us. But now he is going off to school, so I will have the time to pursue my dreams, and school does not cost anything as opposed to daycare. You would be amazed how fast this day is coming for us. August 11th and then I will have more time that I need on my hands.
you are already doing what's right. if it wasn't, you wouldn't have made the decision you did.
I think you're already on the right track. It's a lot of sacrifice, but you should definitely think ahead. A good future for you would mean a great future for your family.
I'm not a mom, but I've always thought a good mom sets a great example for her kids by living out her dreams. 🙂 I think that's the best you can do for LBoy.
This decision is the hardest of them all, because there is always an opposite side that makes just as much sense as the other! Its not just what makes you happy, or what makes LBoy happy, or what financially makes sense its everything. I don't envy your decision, because it will have lasting effects. In the end you have to know you are sacrificing something no matter what you choose.
For myself I have decided not to go back to school (wanted to get my masters in order to work as a school guidance counselor). As of right now who knows if I will appreciate the sacrifice/decision I made, but hey maybe I'll go back later in life!
What a difficult decision!
Wishing you patience and a clear head to make the decision. Whatever you decide will be good for you guys.
Cliff-hangers are no fun! 🙂
I think there is a timing component to everything…we all try to do what's best for our families at a given time, recognizing that things may present themselves differently a year from now / five years from now / etc.
Wishing you peace with your decision!
Sounds like a tough choice! There is no right or wrong. I know it sounds trite, but writing out a list of pros and cons really helps. Some things, like really wanted a degree may carry more weight then others. But you can see what your decision is about. Which will put you where you want to be next year? in five years? Good luck!
You are so on the right track….just keep on praying and you will decide and be at peace. Best of luck, Kate!
Wow, what a decision to make! I'm sure you have made the right one for you, Lboy and Todd. I'm thinking of you!
Just wanted to let you know that I gave you an award.
You can find it at:
http://mformommy.blogspot.com/2010/07/overwhelm.html
HRH Mommy
http://mformommy.blogspot.com
I dislike these major life decisions. I wish there was a fairy godmother that could come make them for us! Keep praying and listening, the answer is there somewhere.
Sit down with hubby and don't rush decision, I'm sure all will work out just fine.
Thinking of you girl and wishing you luck with this decision. xoxo
aghh, i know this delimma all too well. deffering a year seems like a good choice for your circumstances. glad you bought some new pencils for august anyway though.
m.a.
p.s. love the blog design, by the way!