I met Jenn from The Mommy Mambo a few weeks ago. Her blog just SHOUTED at me that it was hilarious & fun in all the ways that awesome mom blogs should be! She also does all of her own sketches (she has talent I lack but desperately wish I had) and she is mom to 3 of the cutest little boys you will ever see!
I asked her if she would like to guest post & I was thrilled when she said yes…She’s got a great story for you today…all about her MIL!
But this is my personal battle and my husband’s to pretend doesn’t exist. However, it is not a subject that my mother-in-law (MIL) should acknowledge or even hint upon, much less, blatantly proclaim (and I quote):
But she did.
Those are fighting words so I scratched her eyes outwith my chubby fingers so I pretended I didn’t hear it. Changed the subject and moved on. All the while the words rolled over and over in my mind. Did she really just say that? And did Hubs hear that? He was standing right there….wait…why hadn’t he told her to shut up or get out of his stunningly sexy wife’s house be nice?
So I let it go, on the premise that she was just trying to be supportive. I mean, I had complained earlier of being out of shape.
She said it again. The very next day. And this time it was accompanied by:
steamed broccoli I had fed my family at dinner was bad for me
Mostly because Hubs just sat there like a little boy in the principles office and allowed his mother to pistol whip injure my pride and insult my intelligence.
“Oh, I see. Don’t defend me,” I sneered in a whisper at him. “You could help me out here!”
But nothing. And since then, I have seethed and stewed thought about it a lot. And I guess I’m more hurt about the Hubs not telling her to back off than I am about her “good intentions.” I realize there are no foolproof good excuses for letting oneself go.
I suffer from that pathetic condition where you can only think of the best comebacks in a verbal standoff hours, weeks, or decades after the moment passed.
Probably for the best in this situation since I can’t ignore all her calls or she’ll call the police to check I haven’t EATEN her grandchildren.
OK. Glad that’s off my chest. Now I need something chocolate.
Oh No! Woooooow! I can't imagine… I'm sorry. I think you might need to have a heart to heart with him about why she felt she needed to say that to you. Whether perhaps he said that to her for a while until she finally decided it was safer for her to say than him? Idk. That's what I would think would be the reason. Not that it's right. All I can say is "Good luck!" and sending a hug…
Btw, coming from a very healthy sized woman who's never had a weight issue and my husband's side ALWAYS had issues, I can tell you her diet sounds like it's from the '50's and won't work.
Always ALWAYS eat a healthy sensible breakfast, especially with coffee or else you are messing with your adrenaline and insulin levels. Yogurt is an AMAZING food to help lose weight and keep it off, so that would be good to eat, yes, with a salad. I eat the most in the mornings and lunchtime, personally. Then, I eat a salad plate sized dinner. Unless it was AWESOME! Which, writing a cooking blog, sometimes makes it hard to not eat more! lol
HUGS!
Wow, my MIL & I have had some rough patches in the past, but she's never told me to lose weight! I don't think I'd be so controlled to not scratch her eyeballs out!
OMG! Not fair. Not cool. Wrong on every level. I've never had anyone say those words to me, even when I'm at my heaviest. I think I'd crawl under a rock and cry for two weeks after such a blow. You poor thing!
Wow… sounds like the MIL knows absolutely nothing about nutrition :-p No matter what your current size, her "diet" is unhealthy…
Wow she sounds like a winner. But I can top that for sure. My IL's didn't come to our wedding reception that was a month after my husnand and I had a quiet ceremony because they felt people would be talking about them. My MIL told my husband and I on our first anniversary that she had tried to commit suicide because we got married and she didn't get to see her son enough. Then after I had my first baby, my MIL called my hospital room to ask what my husband and I needed for the baby since it was so obvious we wouldn't have anything. I told her we were fine and had everything. Found out the next day that she told people I must have been so drugged up when talking to her because I said we didn't need anything to be sent to us and she knew that must not be the truth.
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I would be upset at my husband too if he didn't tell defend me to his mom in this situation.
LOve this post and we all can relate in some way! I blew up at my MIL because of all the little things (and it was not pretty)! Stand up for yourself at that moment so you do not have a BIG blow up later!
Love this post! Cute pic too!
I would slap her. {with MY chubby fingers}
Well, considering the fact I don't get along with my MIL, it would definitely be throw down time after those comments. Who the heck is your MIL – Suzanne Sommers yielding thighmaster tips? Oh, and the hubby would totally be off the "get some" list for a long time. 😉
If you have gained weight I can understand that your loved ones might be concerned. My problem here is that you obviously don't have a close enough relationship with your MIL for her to be able to bring up that kind of stuff with you! If there really is a problem (which there may or may not be, I've only seen you in sketches haha), then it should come from a friend, or your husband.
not from your MIL saying "you need to lose weight" bluntly, then giving you the worst diet advice ever. ("Black coffee for breakfast" hahahaha)
So sorry… please sit down and talk to your husband! He should have shut his mom up!
This is so wrong on every single level. Who does that to a person? Seriously. My MIL and I get along most of the time, but if she ever told me to go lose weight, I'd be tempted to rip her hair out of her head. Not cool. At all.
You need to go back and kick her in the face. Seriously. Who does that?!?!? Stupid MILs.
Wow. Are you sure your MIL isn't satan himself?
Ha!! You poor thing!! I'm on my way over! Wait . . . I need to grab a donut, some coffee laced w/ cream and grab some sweet potato fries first. Then it's game on!
Despite my doctors telling me to lose weight, my mother in law tells me the opposite. I think she wants me to get so depressingly fat that my husband divorces me and she can have her baby boy back.
Jennifer! This is awful!!! Please tell me you don't live near her so you don't have to put up with her that often!!!
I understand completely. After my daughter was born I was badgered with weight loss tips from my MIL who has never been over weight a day in her life.
Frustrating.
Maybe have a dance-off. I'd pay to watch that.
Is it bad that I immediately thought of that silly Pussycat Dolls song "Don't Cha (wish your girlfriend was hot like me)"? Except, you know, it went something more like "dont cha wish you were hot like me"
I completely understand why you were hurt and offended. No one needs to be told they should lose weight, especially by their MIL. It's a shame she doesn't know her boundaries. I agree your husband should have been the one to explain that to her and you should really have a heart to heart with him to explain how you feel so that it doesn't happen again. And please don't beat yourself up about not having a comeback. You took the high road and were respectful, the opposite of her approach. Is she Latina by any chance?
I'm in a similar situation and know my husband wants me to get back into fighting shape but it is so super hard as a mother! What husband doesn't want his wife to look good? I shake it off and am doing things little by little.
My humble advice? If you care, just hunker down and do something about it (exercise). If it's not a priority for you right now and you're happy, forget it. Can't please everyone all the time.
Good luck!
That is horrible. Definitely worth a kick in the head… if not a backhand.
At what point, as WOMEN even, did we get to the point where it's OK (in some people's minds) to NOT use discretion and think about how the words they're about to say might make THEM feel if roles were reversed? UGH! Women can be so bitchy.
On a lighter note, to make you feel better… I've been having some GYN issues that required a trip to the doc. I did NOT share such info with the MIL, but hubby did. (Thanks sweetie. No really. Thank. You.) The evening following my app't my MIL texted me "How's your vagina doing today?" There IS no appropriate response. I never want to have a convo about anything vagina-related with my MIL… and I don't know a woman that DOES! GEESH!
THANK YOU JENN FOR YOUR GUEST POST!!!!!!!! It was awesome to have you here!
Glad I'm not the only one…it really is all about the hubs! My MIL looks for subtle ways to poke at me that hover just under his radar!
If someone will drop Bradley off at my house, I’m sure we can see what ideas we come up with for furute books for you. Don’t expect video though. You will just have to our word for what works and what doesn’t. K. I have heard several authors say that’s the love scenes are the hardest to write. Trying to balance too long too quick , too serious too corny , etc. Then there are those readers who complain if its not up to their standards. Lol!!!(PS: guess who is going to be putting your books on shelves now!?!?!?!?)
Yo, I would lose it. It's one thing if MY mom told me to lose weight (which she has and I did) but my mother in law? I think the most offensive thing is your husband being the wallflower. Mine is the same way. I could tell many stories about my in-laws. I have learned to stick up for myself. I'm probably out of the will.
I enjoyed it! Thanks for having me and allowing me to vent! I'm just now getting to my laptop (via hotel WiFi on spring break) and am enjoying all the great comments so far…..
HAHAHA! sorry I'm laughing…but I can't imagine the horror of that text! And women are very catty. So true. She just loves to jab at me every chance she gets. I stold her baby. Whatever she says…I still win.
Loved this comment! Very supportive info. Thanks!
It wasn't worth the fight since she lives a long way away and visits infrequently. I'm not severly overweight just not what I was before kids and middle age ;0 I do care and am trying to get motivated, but life gets in the way.
How on earth did you know she was latina??? Good call. Is there an insight here?
HAHA! I'm way hotter than her! Even with my muffin top!
Exactly. If I need it, I'll ask. Mine told me to get a girtle after the twins were born. :0
LOL! Or she just really respects and loves you 😉 Too funny!
Sounds like a bitch fest party! Come on chica!
"everybody was kung fu fighting!" LOL Not so sure Hubs would have just sat there for that one!
This all goes way back to day one, I think. I stold her baby boy…these moments are her way of punishing me for such. Either way, up hers, right?
Thanks. Hubs even read this post and still laughed it off and told me not to listen to her she's nuts. Which I guess is as good as its going to get.
I'm not terribly over weight. I have 3 kids and don't look like the coed hotty I did 8 yrs ago when we married. She knows I'm self critical and either she seized amoment to take a jab or she thought she was being helpful.
Either way, way off base!
Amen. My soul sista! My MIL is a naturally short tiny woman, who herself has packed a few on and is dieting, so she wanted to extend her new found knowledge to her pityful DIL.
HAHA! Good one! THey would pack more of a punch!
True words. If I let it stew too long, I'll be boiling the next time she smarts off. And I might really light her up!
Oh geez! You win.
Where's she at….you want me to get her?! I pray that God gives me the strength to be the MIL I want for my 3 sons wives!
I tried to tell her. But I'm just the idiot who went to med school. Really.
If my own mom had said it, I would have agreed and laughed it off and we would have then shared a pan of brownies 😉 But, there are certain people in life that are not in a position to give nasty opinions, no matter how fact based! And she's one of them! And I'm still Hot! There's just more burnin!
So you're saying its OK if I do??? LOL
Still more hard to take that hubs will never stand up for me when she's totally being catty, no matter the subject!
I'm not that overweight. In fact, on a BMI chart, I'm pretty sure I still measure in a healthy normal range. Having said that, I have a muffin top from birthing 3 kids. I would look better minus 15 lbs. Becuase I am not seriously overweight, I think her comment hurt me more. Like there's no leniency for an overworked gal married to her son!
Yes, her nutrition ideas are rather ancient in the diet relm. I have a Master's in Public Health, but she still pretends to know better since, obviously, to her I've lost control. And maybe hubs told her something, I don't know, but shame on his big butt! I like to consider myself to still be a head turner of sorts 😉
Oh, I don't even know where to start with this one…except to say, I'm glad you maintain your awesome sense of humor! So enjoyed your post! 🙂
(And treat yourself to a little chocolate now and again…you can tell your MIL that it's full of antioxidants.) 🙂
Wow – talking about a MIL sure gets everyone fired up, doesn't it?
So I had to add my 2-cents worth. My MIL will goad me on, trying to get me into one of her "discussions"/arguments that she so dearly loves. When I sit there, smiling and not saying anything, she complains because I don't talk! Can't win! But I've learned to live with it – doesn't bother me nearly as much as it did when we were first married.
Loved your post!
My MIL always steps over the line. Mostly because I refuse to tiptoe around her mood swings like everyone else. GRRR. Luckily she annoys my hubby even more than she does me. In fact a few weeks ago she told Hubby he never should have married me and they got into a rip roaring fight about it! GO Hubby!
Your MIL may mean well, but she is also stepping over the line – she is not your mother and you are not 7!!!
Is your MIL French, by any chance?
My MIL hasn't but my FIL has. Yes you got that right. But he's a nice sort of soul so when I burst into tears he backed right up. Still, everyone in the fam talks about the weight thing. It's so much fun to hear about while I'm indulging in the cheese platter.
So funny!
I just finished a prayer thanking God that my MIL only tells my husband he needs to lose weight.
I think all your feelings are perfectly reasonable under the circumstances.
OK, I’m probably the only guy on here, but here goes. I’m 6’4″ tall and overweight, but not exactly a bowling ball. I flew halfway across the country to attend my father-in-law’s funeral. When I told my MIL that it was difficult flying, squashed into a coach seat, she told me I should lose some weight (gee, I didn’t know that). Then she asked how my job search is going (I’m currently unemployed). I have NEVER done anything hurtful to her. Why would ANYONE say such things? WHAT IS HER PROBLEM?
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